he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
