I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
