somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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