I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
