I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize