I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
