is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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