I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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