U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize