he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
