Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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