Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
