Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
