Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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