Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize