i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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