I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
