I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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