If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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