Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
