...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
