maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
