Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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