so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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