He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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