I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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