I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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