Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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