I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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