So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
