Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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