i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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