You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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