its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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