Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize