when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
