i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize