were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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