So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
