I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
