I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
