Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
