i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
