No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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