My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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