I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
