She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
