I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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