eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize