I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
