allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
