In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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