I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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