I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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