His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
