In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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