I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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