In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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