We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
