I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
