he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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