After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
