dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
