Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
