Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
