Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
