Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
