mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
