Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize