He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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