6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
