I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize