you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
